Aubree's Almost 5 Months And Way Too Big For My Liking

It has been quite some time since the last time I have written a post. And ALOT has happened in our life recently. Somethings I am not at liberty to discuss at the moment.

Aubree will be 5 months next Thursday. She is growing so fast and I am saddened by the fact that she is not so little anymore. She is breaking many boundaries that the Dr's and websites say a baby her age shouldn't be doing yet. She has started to hold her bottle at feeding time which Dr. Amy said she wouldn't be doing until she was 6-9 months if she even did it then. Also, she talks nonstop, it doesn't matter if you are paying any attention to her or not she sits there and will just talk to herself or to her doll. Haha. She is wearing 6 month clothes and soon I'll start having to put 9 month onesies on her as her legs are too long for them. She will be entering her very first pageant in October. I'm not doing glitz like honey booboo and Toddlers and Tiaras. It is a natural beauty pageant so she won't have makeup or fake hair. She has started to eat cereal and baby food. She is partial to it. Some days she will cry the entire time I am feeding her, then the next day she is an angel and will open her mouth for every spoonful. I feel like she is growing up to fast and next week she will be going to prom or something.

My job is going wonderful. I love working there. I volunteer to stay late for others because I need the money but it is a fun job too. I'm not getting paid as much as my old job at the nursing home but it is still pretty decent pay for what I am doing. I was really hoping to start school this semester but I am held off until spring semester because I never got to take a required test before registration day. I am really upset about it because I wanted to get it all over and done with so the faster I could start providing Aubree with a better life then what I can at the moment. Money is extremely tight right now. I am searching for a car but I don't know how I'll ever be able to afford one. The most money I'll have left over at the end of the month is probably $40 and I'll be needing to buy diapers and such for Aubree. So at this rate a car is a far and distant dream. I'm moving out of my parents house. Mostly because I have to. I would much rather have been able to save for a car first but I won't have enough time. 

I feel very alone lately. My sisters and mom go and hang out together but I'm never invited to come along. It makes me feel as if I'm not even part of the family.. I hate being by myself during the day. I think too much then I just get even more depressed and sad. My best friend Des has been there for me a lot. And I love her for it. She is an amazing help with babysitting Aubree when I'm at work, but I feel terrible because I have nothing to offer her in return. I'd love to pay her but I can barely afford the stuff I have to pay now. And I worry that I'm being bothersome asking her to watch her for me. Which could just be my social awkwardness or it could be the truth. I hate asking people for things, always have always will. I just feel like I'm bothersome to everyone. And the no car situation doesn't help because I don't want to have to ask people for rides everywhere just to get some groceries or to go to work. I feel like a burden to some of the people in my life.

I would love for just one thing to go right sometime in the near future. I know God doesn't give us more then he knows we can handle, but it feels like more then I can handle right now.

Pin It

What An AMAZING Day!

Today was simply amazing! I didn't have anything extremely awesome happen to be, but I am definitely  having miracles worked. Today, I had my placement testing for college this fall. I was a little bit worried, because it has now been 6 years that I have been out of school for, and I didn't want to get stuck in all the beginner's classes. I was the first one to finish the test, like always. I've always been book smart in school. Anyways, I did awesome, I tested to the highest English class and to the Algebra class that is a requirement for the radiography program. I go Monday to take the computer skills test and then I go Wednesday to meet with my advisor and register for classes! I'm really excited. When I finish I will be the first one to graduate from college in my family. That's a big step. Especially when I need to do it for Aubree. I don't want to have to struggle to buy her what she wants and needs as she grows up. I would like to give her opportunities that I never got. I'd love for her to do gymnastics and play softball or volleyball and do the girl scouts. I want her to be able to do all those activities.

Also, I had a job interview at a restaurant on Sunday after church. She didn't really ask me any questions but basically told me what I would need to buy and that she would call me when the GM came back and approved my application. So I called her this afternoon and she asked me when I would be able to come in to start training. I go in tomorrow at 4:30 :) This is such a relief, I have been looking for a job since November when I was basically forced to quit at the nursing home. And then it was hard because nobody wants to hire a pregnant woman. But thank the good Lord I finally got one. It might not pay a lot but its enough for me to save for a new car and be able to buy my daughter diapers. 

I think I've decided I am going to start putting Aubree into pageants. I know what you are thinking. You are thinking about crazy moms like on Toddlers & Tiaras. But, I don't want to enter her into those glitz pageants. They do have pageants that are natural. They still wear the frilly dresses and stuff but there are no fake teeth, hair and tans. I want to do it because I think that it would be fun for her and if she wins they get money and I would love to put it in a savings account for her so when she is older she can use it to buy a car or go to college. I would love for her to not have to worry about money and everything. It's a hard world out there and I just want to help my daughter be the best at what she does and who she is.

In just a few days, she will be 4 months old. I really can't tell where all the time has gone. It feels like just yesterday my water was breaking and my beautiful little girl was making her dramatic entrance into the world. She has grown so much. She is such a little smiley thing. Any chance she gets shes grinning away. Even at perfect strangers. She talks a lot now. She coos and coos. It's so adorable. I'm still waiting for her to laugh though. She hasn't yet and it's something we are working on. She acts like she's about to and then she doesn't. I feel like she will soon be sitting up by herself too. She will pull up when shes laying on you like she is trying to sit up. And my God does she have a temper. When she starts crying she will scream bloody murder. She really likes those ice pops that slide up in the plastic wrapper. I eat them all the time and she will sit there and lick it when I put it to her face. It is the cutest thing, she likes it but them scrunches up her face because it is so cold and she isn't familiar with the taste. She goes to the doctor in a few days for her check up and to get some more shots. I hope they say that I can start feeding her some rice cereal. :)

Pin It

Getting School Stuff Started...Finally

This past week I've been trying really hard to start getting my college stuff ready so I can start school in the fall. I have a lot to do in a short time before school starts but I think I can get it done. I'll have to take online courses this semester until I can purchase a car. I want to go for Radiography. I've always been fascinated when I go to the E.R. and have to get x-rays taken. It also is a good paying job, and being a single mom that is what I really need. I would love to do this course. When I get settled and have a good job and place to call my own I wanna go back for Ultrasound tech also. I just want to have my options open so I never have to settle for less then I want. 

I want to give Aubree the best possible life I can as a single mom. I know I'll meet someone one day and get married, but for now I want to be as independent as possible and not have to rely on others for help. It'll take me sometime but its possible. I know I'll be able to do it. 

Pin It