Saturday, August 25, 2012

Aubree's Almost 5 Months And Way Too Big For My Liking

It has been quite some time since the last time I have written a post. And ALOT has happened in our life recently. Somethings I am not at liberty to discuss at the moment.

Aubree will be 5 months next Thursday. She is growing so fast and I am saddened by the fact that she is not so little anymore. She is breaking many boundaries that the Dr's and websites say a baby her age shouldn't be doing yet. She has started to hold her bottle at feeding time which Dr. Amy said she wouldn't be doing until she was 6-9 months if she even did it then. Also, she talks nonstop, it doesn't matter if you are paying any attention to her or not she sits there and will just talk to herself or to her doll. Haha. She is wearing 6 month clothes and soon I'll start having to put 9 month onesies on her as her legs are too long for them. She will be entering her very first pageant in October. I'm not doing glitz like honey booboo and Toddlers and Tiaras. It is a natural beauty pageant so she won't have makeup or fake hair. She has started to eat cereal and baby food. She is partial to it. Some days she will cry the entire time I am feeding her, then the next day she is an angel and will open her mouth for every spoonful. I feel like she is growing up to fast and next week she will be going to prom or something.

My job is going wonderful. I love working there. I volunteer to stay late for others because I need the money but it is a fun job too. I'm not getting paid as much as my old job at the nursing home but it is still pretty decent pay for what I am doing. I was really hoping to start school this semester but I am held off until spring semester because I never got to take a required test before registration day. I am really upset about it because I wanted to get it all over and done with so the faster I could start providing Aubree with a better life then what I can at the moment. Money is extremely tight right now. I am searching for a car but I don't know how I'll ever be able to afford one. The most money I'll have left over at the end of the month is probably $40 and I'll be needing to buy diapers and such for Aubree. So at this rate a car is a far and distant dream. I'm moving out of my parents house. Mostly because I have to. I would much rather have been able to save for a car first but I won't have enough time. 

I feel very alone lately. My sisters and mom go and hang out together but I'm never invited to come along. It makes me feel as if I'm not even part of the family.. I hate being by myself during the day. I think too much then I just get even more depressed and sad. My best friend Des has been there for me a lot. And I love her for it. She is an amazing help with babysitting Aubree when I'm at work, but I feel terrible because I have nothing to offer her in return. I'd love to pay her but I can barely afford the stuff I have to pay now. And I worry that I'm being bothersome asking her to watch her for me. Which could just be my social awkwardness or it could be the truth. I hate asking people for things, always have always will. I just feel like I'm bothersome to everyone. And the no car situation doesn't help because I don't want to have to ask people for rides everywhere just to get some groceries or to go to work. I feel like a burden to some of the people in my life.

I would love for just one thing to go right sometime in the near future. I know God doesn't give us more then he knows we can handle, but it feels like more then I can handle right now.

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